Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that – I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much – so very much to learn.
I live a life so solitary that my soul is lonely. It isn’t because I lack a social circle. It isn’t because I lock myself away (intentionally). It’s simply because my mind is so lonely—my thoughts, my opinions, my perceptions of how things are and have been…it’s so very difficult for those thoughts to be validated by others.
I packed up and moved from Redondo Beach to Edmond the summer of 2012. I was bright-eyed, freshly eighteen, and ready to be involved. Everything was going to be great.
I didn’t anticipate the horrendous culture shock, and I wasn’t prepared for it. I’ve spoken a lot about my experience with culture shock as a college student from the other side of the country, and I don’t think that makes me special, or shiny, or unique in any way. That doesn’t make me better than anyone else.
However, it has shaped what I believe and what I’ve learned about the world around me.
For anyone who knows me, I’m an outspoken advocate of Planned Parenthood, the pro-choice cause, pointing out the idiocracy of politicians, marriage equality, and science. The list doesn’t end there, I just thought I’d condense.
You can call me a loud mouth. You can call me an enemy of our Savior. You can call me a naive left wing hippie liberal (none of these labels are particularly true, by the way. Maybe just the hippie part). You can tell me I am talking just to talk, but guess what?
You’ll never get to me.
I cry and get frustrated a lot. I take things extremely personally.
For every clever comeback or snappy quip I have in me, there’s a moment I spend in complete and total mental isolation and despair.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong girl. But I don’t have a heart made of stone.
So if speaking my mind causes me to receive an unreal amount of backlash and hurt, why do I do it? Why don’t I give it a rest?
(There is a voice within me that will not be still)
Because I believe what I believe in with all of my heart. Most of my opinions are based in science, fact, and reason. I’ll argue for them until I die. It is not because I am obstinate, it is because I want to change the world view of those who were never allowed to feel any other way, for those who had their minds molded FOR them…I want to help them understand that 2 and 2 don’t always equal 4.
A friend once told me to never stop speaking my mind, to never stop writing, and to never stop sharing my life and my stories. So I will never stop. Come find ME in the mess of my opinions.
For those who have yelled at me to put down the bullhorn, keep it comin’. I have an endless supply of batteries.
P.S. If you still don’t believe that the Stegosaurus lived 150 million years ago, we need to have a talk.