As the 2016 race heats up, I wanted to write a post to help those of voting age who don’t necessarily pay attention make a decision as to who their preferred candidate will be. I’ve seen far too many biased Fox News, MSNBC, CNN, etc. articles and wanted to paint an actual portrait of each major candidate, using the words straight from the mouths of these babes.
Representing the GOP, the party composed mainly of rich white males who prefer their women silent and botoxed:
Pros: Brother to George W. Bush, the accomplished painter
Cons: Brother to George W. Bush, the accomplished painter
“I don’t wake up each morning saying, ‘Oh wow, it’s me. I think I’m the cat’s meow. I’m the best.'”
Pros: Handsome enough to be cast on “Grey’s Anatomy.”
Cons: Hasn’t grasped the concept of smiling yet.
“I think most people, when they finish [Advanced Placement History], they’d be ready to go sign up for ISIS.”
Pros: Will give it to you straight.
Cons: Is the drunk uncle at the family reunion you felt obligated to invite who will give it to you straight.
“All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me…that’s to be expected.”
Pros: Rocks a mean sweater vest.
Cons: Believes that birth control teleports you to a dangerous sexual realm.
“President Obama once said he wants every American to go to college. What a snob.”
Pros: Would win first place in a Nixon lookalike contest.
Cons: Is friends with the Duggars.
“I’ve never, ever, tasted beer.”
Pros: Clark Kent-esque mystique
Cons: Actually doesn’t care about the welfare of others
“Those of you that will be 21 by November 12, I ask for your support and your vote.”
Democratic Presidential Election Quotations for the Uninformed coming soon.